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ALong the Honduras river exists a tribe that believes that all life on this earth is a direct creation of a dirt god.  This god ruled over the universe which was a vast plain of dirt.  Barren and dusty, the god would stroll along and observe the uniqueness of all his patches of various types of dirt.  The god became interested in combining his dirts and use his magical power limbs of magic to create things from the dirts.  Thus the creation of the things on the earths.  There were people and animals and plants and they all survived by harnessing the dirt’s nutrients.  There was no water.  Yeah, no fucking water.  Imagine drinking a big cup of dirt.  Or eating dirt sandwiches.  Or wiping your ass with dirt.  You get the point.  Shit sucked.  The dirt god’s creations became agitated because they hated being dirty all the damn time.  The approached the dirt god, whose name was Archie, and asked him to create something not so fucking dry.  Archie wept and his tears became lakes and rivers and oceans and streams and seas and ponds and creeks and swamps and pools and water falls and stuff.  Archie left his creations because he felt like they totally hated him.  The creations were so happy with the water that they didn’t notice the dirt god’s absence.  They swam and bathed and drank and peed in the water.  They were pumped.  Then some intergalactic alien jerks came to steal the water.  The creations didn’t have any weapons because Archie didn’t think to make any.  The alien jerks stole almost all the fucking water before Archie heard the cries of his creations.  Archie came to them and smote the mother fucking aliens with a dirt cannon.  In his rage he smashed the universe and we now live on a chunk of it that we call the earths.  We got all the water and we are the surviving creations of the dirt god.  The early creations built pyramids in honor of Archie and his gifts he gave to them.  Then the dinosaurs came and eat the people that survived the earths creation.  After awhile a few people who survived the dino invasion procreated after the meteors killed the dinosaurs and now we are here with the internets and cars and space travel and tupperware.  Ain’t shit grand.

So the tribe worships still the dirt god.  They still eat dirt and bathe in dirt and use dirt to wipe their asses.  It is believed that they are the direct descendants of the people left after the dino invasion.  It is also believed that the tribe is absolutely fucking retarded.  With all the inbreeding that had to occur early on, how can you not be retarded?  Dudes doing their cousins and such.  Plus you would have to be retarded to eat dirt and drink dirt and bathe in dirt and all that when you have modern conveniences.  Thank the dirt god for Big Macs.